I was taking a walk with a friend the other day, trying to verbally process my feelings. I felt like my life was a messy suitcase which, no matter how I arranged it would still weigh just as much. He noted that perhaps, in the unpacking, there could be a way to put things in boxes and to neatly label them. What an amazing concept! (Keep in mind I organize as part of my living- label makers are my best friend!) Interestingly, I now realize how accurate a depiction of my thought processing this whole labeling thing is.
My intellectual life is mostly in neat little boxes. Behavior is good or bad, motivations are selfish or self- serving, there is a right way to do things, and black and white answers are to be found for most questions. There is a box for things I need to think about now, and a box of things I can think about later. There is a box for platonic opposite sex relationships and a box for romantic opposite sex relationships. What is appropriate behavior in friendships is determined by which box the friend falls into, and one cannot simultaneously fall into both boxes.
But so often in life, I come across things that don't fit into my boxes. Like someone who professes to be a Christian and lives a homosexual lifestyle. Or someone who has been seeking God their whole life but still hasn't met Jesus Christ. I believe in the absolute truth of the Bible, but sometimes it's hard to understand how it applies to my relationships and how I see the world.
And so I am constantly wrestling; there is always something that doesn't fit in the box. I have to know where everything goes so I know what to do, how to act. On one hand, I feel kind of crazy; perhaps I am just a control freak that needs to let it go. But on the other hand, I kind of wonder why it seems everyone else lets their thoughts and actions go unchecked, their motivations unexamined. Perhaps they are content with being the person they are and allowing their actions to flow out of that state of being?
I'd be interested in your thoughts. :-)
