I'm at home and thinking about me... how I react to people's view of me. Wondering why I have such a hard time accepting and believing positive feedback. I get compliments quite often yet I still crave more.
You say I'm good? Tell me I'm better than my peers. Think I'm pretty? Tell me I'm prettier than the other girls. Enjoy my music? Explain how it's better than the other musicians. Think I'm a joy to be around? That's great! As long as someone else doesn't own the same compliment.
Why do I gauge my self-esteem based on my comparison to the people around me? How does my worth rely on being better than someone else? Unique isn't good enough. I want to be more unique than those around me. I have a hard time imagining myself succeeding because there are way too many people out there who I could never be better than.
There are girls so much prettier than I would even want to be. There are people who can play guitar at levels I could only dream of. There are Christians more humble, more selfless, more servant-hearted than I will be. There are people naturally detail-oriented, in a way that I can never compare. There are people out there incredibly driven who I could never compete with, even if I worked myself to death in the effort.
My best seems so often to be just a hair short of good enough. My character not quite worthy of high respect. My skills not quite adequate. My performance just short of praiseworthy.
My prayer...
Lord, remind me to turn to You when I doubt myself and ability to live a life worthy of Your calling. God, please show me how You made me to be just the way I am. I know I am the work of Your hand and I am insulting Your craftmanship, not being humble, when I downtalk myself. Please instill in me the confidence that comes with understanding that You love me, that You will enable to me to carry out the tasks I am expected to complete. Help me remember that Your love for me does not depend upon my performance or ability to measure up to the world's view of success. THANK YOU for loving me so unconditionally! I commit to put my best effort into following You and pleasing You with my life.
Challenge......
Where does your self worth come from? Your successful career that shows the hard work you put in? The savings account that shows how you were a good steward? That car that shows how successful you must be? That thing you're so good at? Your way with people? The checks you write for good causes?
How much of your identity, if you are honest, truly depends on what God thinks about you? Pray and ask God to show you how He sees you. You may be surprised how much your self-worth is skewed by the way the world thinks. Let me know what He says!!! I'd love to hear from you. :-)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
God Provides Again!!!
Happy New Year! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season full of friends and family. I had a great Christmas in Minnesota with my family. It was rather chilly, but I was glad to have a white Christmas- it doesn't seem real without the snow. When I got back to Washington I packed up the last of my stuff and finished moving into my new place. It's really great having my own place and I LOVE my roommate, Amanda! It's totally a God thing that we met (thanks Brian ;-) I also had a wonderful New Years Eve with great company. All in all, a fantastic couple of weeks!
It didn't start out so great though; I lost my job right before I flew out for Christmas. It happened the same week I was starting to move into my new place so I was pretty worried about finances. I gave it to God and asked Him to provide something as soon as possible. I did my best searching online, picking up applications, and then clung to the peace that comes with knowing God's got it under control. People expressed concern in the timing of my lay-off and doubt that I would find something new quickly. God used this time to remind me of how quickly I can lose anything I find security in other than Him, and challenged me to really trust in Him.
I'm very grateful to say that the Lord has provided quickly once again! I started nannying full time on Monday, January 4th, for a wonderful family. I help get the kids up and to school in the morning, then do light chores, filing and organizing during the morning. After lunch I pick them up from school and act as chauffeur, shuttling them around to their gazillion after school activities. It's probably the most challenging job I've ever had yet it's a great fit and I love it!
I'd love to hear from you about how your holiday season went, what's going on in your life. If you're struggling with anything, I'd love to come alongside you, support and encourage you, and lift you up in prayer.
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