I'm at home and thinking about me... how I react to people's view of me. Wondering why I have such a hard time accepting and believing positive feedback. I get compliments quite often yet I still crave more.
You say I'm good? Tell me I'm better than my peers. Think I'm pretty? Tell me I'm prettier than the other girls. Enjoy my music? Explain how it's better than the other musicians. Think I'm a joy to be around? That's great! As long as someone else doesn't own the same compliment.
Why do I gauge my self-esteem based on my comparison to the people around me? How does my worth rely on being better than someone else? Unique isn't good enough. I want to be more unique than those around me. I have a hard time imagining myself succeeding because there are way too many people out there who I could never be better than.
There are girls so much prettier than I would even want to be. There are people who can play guitar at levels I could only dream of. There are Christians more humble, more selfless, more servant-hearted than I will be. There are people naturally detail-oriented, in a way that I can never compare. There are people out there incredibly driven who I could never compete with, even if I worked myself to death in the effort.
My best seems so often to be just a hair short of good enough. My character not quite worthy of high respect. My skills not quite adequate. My performance just short of praiseworthy.
My prayer...
Lord, remind me to turn to You when I doubt myself and ability to live a life worthy of Your calling. God, please show me how You made me to be just the way I am. I know I am the work of Your hand and I am insulting Your craftmanship, not being humble, when I downtalk myself. Please instill in me the confidence that comes with understanding that You love me, that You will enable to me to carry out the tasks I am expected to complete. Help me remember that Your love for me does not depend upon my performance or ability to measure up to the world's view of success. THANK YOU for loving me so unconditionally! I commit to put my best effort into following You and pleasing You with my life.
Challenge......
Where does your self worth come from? Your successful career that shows the hard work you put in? The savings account that shows how you were a good steward? That car that shows how successful you must be? That thing you're so good at? Your way with people? The checks you write for good causes?
How much of your identity, if you are honest, truly depends on what God thinks about you? Pray and ask God to show you how He sees you. You may be surprised how much your self-worth is skewed by the way the world thinks. Let me know what He says!!! I'd love to hear from you. :-)
3 comments:
Good stuff! How good it is to be exuberantly full of joy about who we are, good and bad, weaknesses and strengths, regardless of how others compare, because the master potter crafted us that way. I (dad) fall short of the master potter's love for you, but I sure love you for all you are!
I use to compare myself to my 2 brothers who are better in almost everything. Height, looks, sports, studies and all that jazz. I hated it and turned the other way, in a sense, rivalry. They did basketball so I did soccer and so on ... Then when I came to Jesus, suddenly everything was okay. Because I stopped comparing myself to them ... instead, I compare myself to Jesus not in a sense of jealousy but I see Him as the standard of what a man is and I want to live by His standards now.
Great thoughts. Thanks for sharing and provoking my own thoughts.
Hmm...sounds a bit familiar to me. :) I think it's something that most of us (if not all of us) struggle with. I know it's been one of the biggest struggles I've had to deal with in my own life. You are AMAZING and I love you SO much! And I love your honesty. It's a breath of fresh air in a world full of people putting on masks (including myself sometimes). <3 you, girl!
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